Saying Goodbye - Ending a Ministry
I participated in a church saying good bye to the minister a couple of weeks ago. It was powerful and touching. The relationship of a minister to her congregation is such a unique relationship in the world. I don't know if it is the same for every tradition, I've never been deep enough into any other tradition to know the relationship between the minister and the congregation. But for Unitarian Universalism the minister is a source of support, a source of spiritual guidance and the spiritual leader of the congregation. Which is a different relationship than a friendship. Sometimes they look very similar because the minister is called to be themselves in the ministerial role. Yet when a minister leaves the congregation it is expected that they will not maintain contact with their previous congregation, at least for a number of years.
This can be hard for people, understandably so. It is a deep and important relationship that people share with their minister. At the same time, and for the same reason if this minister maintained contact with the congregation after leaving the new minister, whoever that ultimatly becomes, will not have the opportunity to bond with the congregation and to take his place in the role and vocation that is ministry within this congregation.
She handled the transition as well as possible, making this need clear while also making it clear that she loves the congregation and always will. Both things can be true. I don't believe you can be a minister to people without loving them. It makes me think of Orson Scott Card's book "Ender's Game" where Ender talks about how he has to love the Buggers (Aliens for those of you who haven't read it) as they love themselves. Now ultimatly this is a book about war and Ender kills them, but my point is in the first part of this. He has to love them as they love themselves. Even if you disagree with someone, even if they are the most annoying person you have ever meant it seems that as their minister you are called to love them. Thats what makes ministry possible, or perhaps what makes it bearable. Is to never forget you love your congregation. So knowing the necessity to cut off contact is gut wrenching for the minister as well. I think we often comfort ourselves in endings by our assurances that we will keep in contact. Sometimes it is true.
Yet without endings, if nothing ever changed, how would we find beginnings? How would we grow? So even when there is sorrow, there is joy, somtimes it is just a bit delayed. And that is okay.
I remember when one of our ministers left. It was very hard to lose the friendship.
ReplyDeleteIt is. It is very hard for everyone. I think it is wrenching. Yet I understand why it has to be the disconnection. Because the new minister, the new relationship has to have a chance and that is only going to happen if the person who previously had ministerial authority is gone. It is a loss. No doubt.
ReplyDelete